Day 37 on the Lot of dreams.

I think it's around Day 37 (that's the number that popped into my head when I tried to guess, then a quick check yielded the same # so I thought I'd go with it.) here on the Paramount Lot and still no sign of the past. He's here somewhere, unless of course he's moved on from editing Dr. Phil, but I think he's too much of a pussy to go out and actually get another job. It's been 8 months since we spoke, and I'm just hoping that bumping into him here will force him back into talking to me again. Yeah I know. REAL healthy. But how do you turn off a 5 year friendship like *that*? How do you walk away from your best friend and not look back? How can you go from talking to someone every day for hours, to never hearing their voice again? I think 10 months is the longest we went without speaking before, and we're getting dangerously close to that. Every day I think of something I want to tell him but I wait. For him. To be the first to make a move (despite the foolish IMs I slip and send every so often. They go unanswered and leave me more confused each time.) There are so many triggers—I see the car he drives, it's the hockey playoffs, a promo for Dr. Phil, my hurt shoulder reminds me of his broken collar bone. So I wait. Eager to learn if he is ever coming back to me.