I am well aware that I am routinely attracted to physically similar men, and that if even look slightly similar, I will transpose feelings from one man to another. Like if Man A is the dirtiest man I know, if Man B looks like him, I start thinking Man B must be dirty by facial association. Case in point, too cute for words Stage Manager who's last day on our show was yesterday. Was I just transposing feelings for an old flame onto this new guy? And did it show to him? A very cryptic comment that he gave me on the way out (after me getting a big hug in and telling him he was my favorite SM) something like "We can't do that..." Well it's all for naught anyway, they're all married. When did they ALL get married? Don't mind me, I'll just be over here in my bathtub.

Oh fuck.

So it was bound to happen sooner or later but guess who comes strolling up to us in the commissary today? Yup. Nine months after I last heard his voice, and there he is standing in front of me. And then there I am trying to make stupid small talk and what? What am I doing? Why am I hugging him?? All the while it feels like someone is kicking me in the small intestine. FUCK. I was doing so good. And there he is. Goddamn it. I am supposed to be over him. I am a strong capable woman. "Call me sometime" I hear myself say. Ha, that's rich. Fantastic, I'll be throwing up my lunch now.

Wandering through the REM stage...

Still more dreams. Can't blame the heat anymore since it's cooled considerably in the past few weeks. I see people I have no business having thoughts about showing up in the wee small hours of my mind. Then when I wake, I feel as if I've had actual conversations with them. It's only a matter of time before I say something I shouldn't. Stay tuned.